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                                 Finding Romance


     One of the stronger points of interest for many of us regarding our
     relationships is that of finding, developing or renewing a romantic
     relationship.  The ideas we have discussed so far in this volume are
     things we can certainly apply to improving or developing a romantic
     relationship, in addition to the items listed below.

                       Where Do I Find A New Relationship?

     If you or I happen to be someone who is fortunate enough to easily
     find someone with whom to have a romantic relationship, we probably
     often have the experience of having others ask us how we do it?  Has
     this ever happened to you?  Do others want some of your success to
     somehow magically rub off on them?  Or if you are one of the less
     successful who would like some of the magic potion perhaps this will
     be of help.

     After making initial contact you may use some of the methods
     previously described in beginning a relationship, but what about,
     "where do I actually make that initial contact?"  This is a question I
     have been asked many times by others who are seeking a relationship,
     or say they are, and it is precisely why I have decided to mention
     something about it.

     Pardon me if the answer provided seems somewhat simple, too easy, less
     than adequate or nearly unbelievable, but from much observation it is
     nevertheless the answer that will work.  Ask yourself this question.
     "Where are my feet at this moment?"  Sounds like a silly question,
     doesn't it?  But it may amaze you to realize that wherever your feet
     are at this moment, not too far from your feet lies the answer to your
     question.  You only need to simply look not far from the present
     position of your feet to find a possibility to what your are looking
     for.

     If you don't believe what you just read in the last paragraph, just
     try it and see.  Simply look around.  There are people all around you,
     or at least not too far off.  Sometimes it is just a matter of we
     might not be paying attention at the moment to the possibilities that
     await us just around the corner.

     We all have somewhere that we exist and places that we go and things
     that we do.  And in all of these avenues there are others who are
     subject to liking attention and the company of others.  Even in these
     times which may be filled with much more distrust than previous
     decades, there are still a great many more opportunities for romance
     than many of us might suppose.

     You need not have the appearance of the latest movie idol or a
     powerful rock star in order to make that important initial contact.
     If you do have such an appearance it may not do you any harm.  On the
     other hand, we could look at many of examples of people who have a
     most striking appearance, yet their romantic life is an entire
     disaster area.  The communication factor and its related factors are
     the most important things, and vital in starting and keeping a
     relationship of any kind going, especially a romantic relationship.
     Anything else is quite secondary.

                    Do I Really Want A Romantic Relationship?

     This may sound like a pointless question since we have begun to
     examine a path to a solution, but you might be surprised at how many
     people only think they want a romantic relationship, when in fact they
     really don't in the least.

     How could this be that they only "think" they want a relationship,
     when they actually do not?  Interestingly enough, many of us do not
     stop to consider the fact when we have a relationship, whether
     romantic in nature or not, that we are not having a relationship with
     just one other person.

     In all truthfulness we are actually having a relationship with the
     other person as well as with everyone which that person knows or
     everyone with whom they are acquainted.  Have you ever thought about
     that?  Some of us have not, until we became involved, then realized
     what we have gotten ourselves into.

     This could easily be where all the comedian's jokes about the mother-
     in-law came from.  That other person already has a life and a lot of
     acquaintances associated with that life, don't they?  Of course they
     do, and it only makes good common sense for us to make an intelligent
     assessment of the situation prior to jumping into it.  It may sound a
     little overly clinical as it relates to romance, but it is neverthe-
     less the way things are.  We have to be sure we that would, at least
     to some degree, get along well with all of the other person's
     associates, don't we?

     Add to the above a typical person's normal apprehensions, fears and
     disappointments of past relationships, and it's rather easy for us to
     see why finding, developing or renewing a romantic relationship can
     sometimes be very difficult for some of us.  But this is not to say in
     the least that there isn't an answer to many or all of these barriers.

     Quite to the contrary, the solution we are approaching will provide
     workable methods of removing these barriers of the apprehensions,
     fears and disappointments of past relationships, or whatever other
     things lie in the way of what we want.

                     So You Want To Be Brave & Take The Step

     Assuming one has made their assessment of all the other people who are
     associated with their prospective mate, and has decided to have a
     direct or indirect relationship with all these people, let's continue
     and see what we can do to improve things.

                               A Helpful Exercise

     If it's the case with you that some of these barriers do seem to
     actually be very apparent in your situation, there is something you
     can do to help yourself become more comfortable about them and
     actually make them far less effective in preventing you from achieving
     your goal.

     The likelihood is strong that you have at some time in the past had a
     romantic relationship, and for one reason or another it didn't work
     out.  Is this what happened?  If it is what happened it would be most
     advisable for you to do the following.

     Take a pencil and paper and write down what you can recall of the past
     relationship in the best detail that you can.  Start writing about the
     beginning of the relationship, put down what occurred during the
     relationship and be as thorough as possible in jotting down all the
     details of what happened toward the end of it.

     You may likely find the activity of doing this exercise not a very
     pleasant experience in the least, but as you persevere with it you
     will find some relief occurring whereby you should have an improved
     attitude about romantic relationships in general.  You may need to go
     through the memory of the relationship, by writing it down several
     times in succession to achieve the best results.  Each time of going
     through the memory and writing it down may likely find you recalling
     it in better detail each time.

     If it happens that you have several earlier failed relationships, you
     should do the same with recalling and writing down the events of each
     of those as well.  Do this exercise until you feel an improvement in
     your attitude and feelings about the entire matter.  In doing this
     exercise you should simply start it by writing down at the top of your
     page, "Recall a failed romantic relationship," and write down on your
     page what you recall about it.  As you can see, there can be a series
     of "failed relationships" which need to be taken up in turn as
     described above.

     It has been discovered with many people that there is the memory of
     one predominating relationship lying at the bottom of the series,
     which had existed for sometime as a painful experience, and which
     caused the person to shy away from future relationships.  The
     remainder of the series of failures seemed to lie on top of the
     predominating bad experience and added to the negative effects of it.

     Once this predominating bad experience is thoroughly viewed and thus
     de-intensified, the other entire series of memories of failed
     relationships will de-intensify as well, and vast improvements thereby
     will occur as a result.

     You may have already realized that this exercise can, of course, be
     used to address things other than failed romantic relationships.  It
     can be used as well to remedy the ill effects of any type of failure.
     There is almost no limit to the number of things to which it can be
     applied.  You need only to use your imagination to come up with quite
     a number of examples.

                                    Phenomena

     While doing the above-described exercise it is common for people to
     experience ill feelings related and associated with the past
     experience.  Along with ill feelings don't be surprised if there are
     some tears at times, as well as a little if not a lot of laughter.
     Tears and laughter are both forms of release of painful emotion, and
     there is certainly nothing wrong with these things happening.  In
     fact, the occurrence of tears or laughter is very beneficial to us.

     Unfortunately for whatever reason, some parts of society feels that
     tears and laughter are not a good thing.  There isn't much truth to
     that other than perhaps the idea that there is a place and time for
     the tears and laughter.  And if there is a place and time for it, the
     use of this exercise is certainly the place and time.

                                 The End Result

     Once you have mastered the use of this exercise you will find it
     easier to find, develop or renew your romantic relationship.  You will
     find that many of the unseen barriers have been removed from your
     path, insofar as such things as you being apprehensive or timid about
     finding, developing or renewing the relationship, as well as a list of
     other benefits.

     This exercise, as well as many others, is covered in greater length
     and detail in a book called Fine-Tuning Your Life.  To obtain a copy
     of Fine-Tuning Your Life see "Order Form" on the Table Of Contents.


                             --- End Of Romance ---